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Deal 1224: War

It is happening again. None of us are really ready. But then, when is someone really ready for a war?

We’ve been taught the needed skills. And yet, here we are again.

And somehow, I predict we will be back here again.

This time, we have warning and weapons of a sort. Not the right weapons for what we will face, but at least we have something. Last time, we had neither warning nor weapons. Our defenses were down. We had no resources to train, no plans, no contingencies. Frankly, it is a miracle that we survived.

Our historians will admit to all of this if pressed. They don’t like to talk about it ordinarily because the subject verges on disrespect for our leaders. But the disrespect is both intended and important.

We were not prepared, directly due to the actions of our leadership.

This time we are prepared.

It will not happen again.

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Deal 1214: Modern problems

Being a vampire was hard enough in the days of yore. Maintaining one’s image without access to mirrors was always difficult. But modern times have made it even more difficult.

Cameras were a problem from their beginning. Anything with a mirror simply would not show a vampire. Lenses were different. Flat glass had little or no effect. Wavy glass has a varying effect. But the silver in the negative made film cameras unreliable. Then we arrive at modern smartphones with digital cameras built in.

Smartphone cameras may not like us, but the audience apparently loves them.

As time goes on, modern society finds new reasons to put cameras everywhere.

Being a vampire walking streets of London (with more security camera per capita) will put you in front of many of those cameras, and reveal your secret to the volunteer monitoring the cameras.

Next time we’ll discuss the problems with getting a state-issued ID card when the camera have trouble focussing on your face.

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Deal 1196: This one time, at Band Camp…

The first few practices of the new year were always the worst. It gets easier, but they don’t seem to know that at the start. At least most years I can expect that they have not been swimming with their instruments, or some similar mishap.

Most years.

Apparently not this year.

My first clue was the tuba case full of tuna fish. Close in some sense, but also extremely misfiled according to every other sense brought to the problem.

With that for context, the flute cases with frogs, or the large smear of dried blood all over the drums didn’t seem entirely unexpected.

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Deal 1186: Stage setting

Here’s a surreal scene. On stage, a birthday cake has all its candles lit, and is floating inside of a large birdcage, or possibly a birdcage elevator. It sways back and forth gently, subtly out of time with the music. The elevator is moving too, just not in time to the music. THe music selection is also a touch off, but it is hard to put my finger on why.

Also on stage is a fairy-tale prince, along with a large frog. They are circling a cartoon-like bomb with a long fuse that is lit and sparking.

The fuse burns. The cake hovers. The bomb explodes. The frog croaks.