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Deal 1237: The Frog Prince

“I see you’ve found our Prince.”

“Where? All I see is this frog.”

“That is the Prince. Didn’t you notice his purple toes?”

“Not really.”

“Well?”

“I suppose it could be. But I was expecting something a little more, um, princely?”

“That regal bearing doesn’t count?”

“It’s still just a frog!”

“A frog that is a Prince!”

“A frog that doesn’t do me any good!”

“He is the Prince! That ought to be worth something to you.”

“Not a prince! Frog!”

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Deal 1229: Not amphibious

The time for a revolution is upon us. If left to his own devices, the Prince will fritter away the kingdom in his absurd belief that he was once a frog. This cannot be allowed to continue.

There is no doubt about it.

His slightly green complexion in all the official photographs can be easily explained as a trick of the light and the overuse of these new fangled fluorescent lights in the palace. Before he installed the lights, he never pointed to photographs as evidence. Now he does all the time. Only new photographs, of course.

His unhealthy liking of flies is more difficult to explain. But there is historical precedent. Sir Renfield, at various times, and at various ages has always kept flies in abundance. While one might accuse Renfield of vampirism, the flies never made him a frog.

Furthermore, as so many have demonstrated so well, merely being skilled with a weapon does not make one a soldier.

No, the Prince is not a frog.

And his continued insistence will bring this country to the brink of war if he is not stopped.

The time to act is now.

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Deal 1214: Modern problems

Being a vampire was hard enough in the days of yore. Maintaining one’s image without access to mirrors was always difficult. But modern times have made it even more difficult.

Cameras were a problem from their beginning. Anything with a mirror simply would not show a vampire. Lenses were different. Flat glass had little or no effect. Wavy glass has a varying effect. But the silver in the negative made film cameras unreliable. Then we arrive at modern smartphones with digital cameras built in.

Smartphone cameras may not like us, but the audience apparently loves them.

As time goes on, modern society finds new reasons to put cameras everywhere.

Being a vampire walking streets of London (with more security camera per capita) will put you in front of many of those cameras, and reveal your secret to the volunteer monitoring the cameras.

Next time we’ll discuss the problems with getting a state-issued ID card when the camera have trouble focussing on your face.

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Deal 1213: Why did the—Vroom!

The road was as flat as a mirror, extending as far as the eye could see either way.

He stopped at the edge to reflect.

There was no turning back after the scene he made when he left. This was hardly the first road he’d ever seen. But it was certainly the widest and smoothest.

As he contemplated his options, he could almost hear the background music swelling. As if the very film that was his life was taunting him for not confidently stepping out.

He—

Vroom!

—picked up a foot—

Vroom, vroom!

—and took a step. Suddenly he was surrounded by hundreds of motorcycles. He froze in place while they swarmed past him.

When it the last one had passed, he continued on his way.