Deal 499: Prank Made of Wood

The duck lurked, as he had, dejectedly, for weeks.

He waited for the puppet to some sign of life, which the duck knew was bound to happen eventually.

But for weeks now, Pinocchio had thought, “this will be the best prank ever!”


Deal 226: Kitchen foolery

(NOTE Turning it over, we discover that the card is The Underdog from the lovely and inspiring Deck of Shadows, also referring to “compassion”, “tragedy”, and “unequal”.)

Slate tiles ringed the kitchen as a contrast to the stark shiny white traditional tiles that covered the walls. The floor was simple, utilitarian sealed concrete, usually covered by rubber mats. Brave souls had occasionally written on the slates with chalk, but after the incident, no one wanted to be caught with chalk on their fingers. Still, it never took long after the tiles were washed before a fresh message appeared.

arbitrary our chef his will is
no one appreciates his jellies
neither lemon nor lime
both are a crime
filled bowls untasted not bellies

Being assigned tile washing was well understood to be the worst job in the kitchen. It was punishment, pure and simple. It was a chance for Chef to find things done wrong. And the big risk to all (for none were immune from an occasional bout of tile washing if they displeased Chef) was missing a tile, or leaving a shadow of a past message behind. Or even worse, discovering a new message while scrubbing.

chef’s aspic poisoned
six customers yesterday
but I’m not counting

A full round of the kitchen means scrubbing more than one hundred tiles, while avoiding outlets, flames, and light switches. If you’ve raised the hackles of more than just Chef, you can expect to need to make more than one round, and likely should fear that no matter how long Chef gives you for the washing, that a fresh bit of doggerel will turn up while he is making his inspection.

sharp knives and skewers
stove top and salamander
often, injuries

If you are lucky, the new verse won’t mention Chef’s foibles directly. Unfortunately for you, the last pot boy was stabbed with a boning knife for wondering why Chef’s pots were always harder to wash, and Chef really doesn’t like to be reminded. This is going to be a long day.