Revenge. I needed revenge. But in these busy times, I had no idea how I could pull it off, so I let it stew while I got on with normal life. The job. The wife. The kids. Normal.
Then it hit me. There’s an app for that, and if there isn’t, there should be.
So the quest began for the right approach to righting my wrongs the easy way with an app. I wanted something that didn’t require a lot of effort on my part; and I really didn’t care what it required of my victim, after all I am seeking revenge.
So the various spy apps, key loggers, locators, and so forth are cut from the list, but that still leaves hundreds of apps in the general category of “up to no good” to review. This was beginning to feel like work, and that was counter to my plan. So I simplified, and tried something I should have tried first up. I searched the app store for “Revenge”. After all, if you don’t ask, you clearly don’t get.
I got one hit. A virtual voodoo doll. It wasn’t free, but then a good revenge must come at some price.
I bought the app, and installed it letting have all the access it needed. In hindsight, it is possible I should have read the license first.
It opened up and showed me a creepy little man holding an even creepier doll. Well shame on me for assuming that voodoo would be done by a large black woman in a swamp, he sure seemed creepy enough to be the real deal.
“If you have willingly entered into this contract, you may proceed at your own risk. If you are having doubts, now is your first and only chance to put me away at no (further) price or consequence. Touch the doll when you are ready to proceed.”
I touched the doll, and it grew to fill the screen. He continued, “Good. We’ll soon have you all sewn up.”
Wait. That sounded—
“First, we need to know a little more about you. Let’s see what you’ve been up to. First a peek at your browser history. Interesting. And now a peek at where you’ve been. And who you’ve been calling. And what you’ve been discussing, online and off. And finally, let’s see if there’s anything in your medical history that will help.”
Um. Did I really agree to all that?
“About this time, people usually start trying to exit the app. I’m proud to note that you haven’t tried that yet. But let me predict something for free, on my own dime as it were: You will try.”
I snatched my hand back from the phone. The image of the doll filled the screen now, and I didn’t like its expression one bit. It went on.
“I see that you’ve been banking from here. That will do nicely, and may I congratulate you on the sizes of your bank accounts? Well, former size, actually…. but I digress. You wanted revenge. And revenge you have got.”
Again, that didn’t sound quite right.
“As of this moment, you are no more. You are erased. Your accounts are gone. Your home is gone. Everything you were or had is gone. There is nothing left for you.”
I frantically grabbed at the phone and tried to switch away but to no avail.
“See, I was right! You did try to leave.”
I tried to turn the phone off.
“Nope, can’t do that either.”
I would have tried to remove the batteries, but the damn phone is glued shut and the batteries cannot be removed.
“That tickles! Do that again! But note that you can’t turn me off.”
I threw the phone at the floor. It bounced, and landed back in my hand.
“You can’t do that either! You are mine until I decide to let you go.”
I tried to set the phone down on the table, but now it was stuck to my fingers. I couldn’t let go of it. I tried to stand up, and the chair was stuck too. I hobbled over to the door, and the knob wouldn’t turn. The creepy man in the app cackled at me the while.
“I told you. You are mine. Now touch my doll and join me here.”
I stopped struggling for a moment and stared at him. He was holding the doll up toward the screen, and it was suddenly apparent there was a second chair in the image, and it was empty. I looked around. There were no windows. The door was gone. The walls were closing in.
I touched the doll.